Losing .. 6 years back and Now !!

I know it’s not a big deal, it was JUST a game, but what was the worst thing about the game yesterday was how easily it brought back my worst memories from six years back. Everything seems to be following the same route, Every incident that happened back then happened again yesterday, and to be totally honest, the freakish coincidence is that the words used back then and NOW are the same, though the sets of lips have changed.
I know for sure that what I said above does’nt make much sense to you, because many of you were not there with me 6 years ago, and those of you who were are not here with me now.
Flashback -> Let me take you 10 years back, I was selected for house cricket team for the first time. I can’t tell you how happy I was then. It was rather uncommon for 9th standard students to be selected in the team unless they were pretty good although I did’nt get a look in, because of the 13 selected only 9 were supposed to play and the question of me playing was totally out of question as I was the youngest. Those were the days when House brothers mattered more than blood relations. I watched and watched with total amazement, as my elder brother took apart the my house’s bowlers. It was a hard decision to make.At one side was my brother and at the other was my house, the house I was representing. He had totally smothered the bowlers, yet our batsmen had done enough to pose worries for the final few overs. I watched as my brother went to take the a drink break and finished a glucose pack in one go. Still 4 overs to go and 30 runs to get. He had batted for the most of the innings with the kind of gut and determination and flamboyance that we associate with Sachin ( Ok I know I am drawing huge comparisons, but believe me that day he did seem like a Sachin Avatar ). I watched as he hit our best bowler for 3 boundaries in row and then again in the final over, with 3 runs to get on the last bowl, I watched him dance down the track, as he struck a delightful flick to the square leg boundry for a four. I watched and I watched with awe the kind of jubilation that triggered. He was all over the place, people was carrying him over their shoulders and I had never seen him happier. He got the best cricketer award that year, something that was considered more “cool” than getting the “best student” award in his batch.
All through my cricket years ( 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th ) .. I tried to emulate him, with little success. The reason was’nt that I was not GOOD, it was just that our bowlers were just too good for the opponents to make life troublesome for us batsmen. WE always won. Winning the matches in Tenth and Eleventh was like a walk in the park. We always won. But then Twelfth happened. We were the firm favorites. But the final match opponents had given tough competition to us in one of the practice games, and I as team captain tried to maintain the team moral by saying that it was a fluke and we can easily beat them. But believe me, somewhere deep within my heart I thought that if anyone can beat us, it would be these people. I remembered my brother’s efforts in his last game. The day had won him accolades and the possible reason for my inclusion in future teams was because I was Paritosh’s younger brother. I was scared that I won’t be able to live up to the expectations of emulating my brother. More than that I was scared that this was going to be my last game in school, the last official cricket match I ever play, the last day I could be captain be a winning team. ( you may want to compare these words with what I wrote yesterday before the match with Raskullz ). I was so nervous before the match that my team mates had to actually push me to open the innings ( I was the innings opener, and I was known to be always ready for facing the opponent’s best fast bowler ). I was so scared that day that the first ball I faced almost took an edge. I survived but then slowly began to loose hope. The match was lost to me even before it had begun. We were chasing 85 in 15 overs. I held one end of the innings together while I watched my partners change. The best partnership I had was with the number 8. I made a couple of bad calls that resulted in two run outs and then even while playing, I could’nt take my eyes off Shivani who was sitting just outside the boundary ropes. I missed so many shots and so many bad balls went unpunished that I hated myself after the game. But then, even though we lost, a lot of people came up to me and said “Well played” some went on to say “Mr. XYZ played horribly .. You lost because of him” .. some went a step further and said “You guys deserved to win .. no idea why you lost”
Yesterday during and after the match, it was the same. I distinctly remember atleast two three incidents where it was because of me that we lost a round. If I had killed Major while Jaya was diffusing the bomb, we had that one in, I had that idea in mind, but just messed it up. And again when it was down to 2 v 3 when they had planted the bomb, I killed all three of the opponents but yet delayed to ask Vidit to diffuse the bomb and the damn bomb exploded. Same old mistakes, same old comments. Sreejith told me today ” you played well .. XYZ could’nt keep the site defended” .. but that does’nt change the final outcome .. does it .. the fact is that we lost .. and I LOST .. yet again and pretty much the same way as I did six years back.



Filed under Personal

2 responses to “Losing .. 6 years back and Now !!

  1. the analogy is a little stretched but I guess it fits

  2. Khare,
    Both Cricket and CS are team games. So it is not that you alone are responsible. The whole team lost, not you alone. If one team member plays badly, you cannot help it. What matters is that you give your 100% irrespective of anything. If you give your 100% and still lose, there should be no shame in losing. It is just that the better team won.

    So cheer up and enjoy the last few days here..

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