I had just been tucked in, late at night .. around 11:00 PM.
Phone started ringing. Under normal circumstances, I would have frowned at the idea of someone calling me at such late hours, but this … this was a number I had never seen before. And this is the cue for every desperate , single , love monkey type guy to call back. Me, being one, called back ( though .. I must admit .. at the back of my mind was the fact that one of my school friends was due in hyderabad yesterday and it might be him ).
Me : Hello
She (yeah yeah yeah yeah .. SHE ) : Hellllloooo
Me : Yes
She ( yeah yeah yeah yeah .. SHE ) : YEEEESSSSSS
Me : did you just call me ??
She ( yeah yeah yeah yeah .. SHE ) : Did YOU just call me ??
ME : I got a call from this number , did you call me ?
She ( yeah yeah .. getting on my nerves .. but still .. SHE ) : I GOT a call from this number .. did YOU call me ??
Me : Are you just repeating what I am saying ?
She ( ahh .. come on lady .. ) : Are YOU just repeating what I am SAYING ??
ME : Ok, Seems like a wrong number. Sorry .
She ( finally broke her ressiliance ) : hey hey .. Sorry about that . I was just trying out random numbers and I got your number.
Me ( Very very disbelieving ) : ok , no problem. ( and then after a little pause during which I was trying to remember where have I heard this voice before). Do I know you ??
She : I don’t think so. We have never met. I told you , it was a random number.
Me : Ok . ( still very disbelieving ). Bye then.
She ( around this time, her voice was getting on my nerves. she had terrible hindi which she used to fill up the pauses and she sounded like she was drunk ) : Hey wait, now that we have talked .. do you want to be friends ?
ME ( yayy yayy yayy .. ) : FRIENDS ?? Are you joking. How can you just call up random numbers and expect them to become friends with you. I don’t even know you.
SHE : that’s not a problem. Probably after this conversation, we will know each other.
Me ( Gosh .. she is really desperate .. but what the hell .. so am I ) : Well, I don’t think it works that way. You need to meet people to know them and then you become friends with them.
She : Ok .. let’s meet.
ME ( YAYY YAYY YAYY !! ** subsequently you may assume that yayy yayy yayy part unless mentioned otherwise ** ) : WHAT ?? ok , who are you ?? Venki are you trying out a girlish voice. no no .. it’s Jayaram … jaya .. stop joking .. Phone ka misuse mat kar .. no wait .. it could be Rocky .. but this does’nt sound like you .. ok .. WHO ARE YOU ??
She : First you tell me who are these people you just mentioned. Venki ? Jaya ? Rocky ?
ME : Well .. they are my good friends. experts at pranks and stuff like this. But why am I telling this to you .. for all I know, you could be one of these three.
She : Gosh, why are you so disbelieving. Can’t you just believe that I called up a random number and got you.
Me : No, I can’t. Randomness does’nt favour outliers like me.
She : WHAT?
Me : Nothing nothing . forget it.
She : Ok, What’s your name.
ME: Utkarsh .. What’s yours’.
She : Nice name ( I get that a lot .. thank you mom n dad ) . I am *******.
Me : Ok ..
She : So, what do you do ?
Me : I work.
she : where
ME : outside pizza hut at airport road. I am the gatekeeper there.
She : Yoy Stil don’t trust me .. do you ?
Me : How can I ??
She : Well .. I told you my name .. what proof do you need.
Me ( with Joey’s line in mind ) : I am Afraid I am going to need visual proof.
** and as soon as I said that .. ** Oh . nooooooooo .. SHIT
She : Yeah , thats fine. Let’s meet.
Me : no .. please no.
She : Why ??
Me: See, I have a girlfriend. And I don’t know what she will think of all this. So, let’s not meet.
She : No problem, you don’t need to tell her.
Me : ( he he he .. yeah .. not tell her .. I am going to tell the WHOLE World that I got a anon phone call from a a GIRL ) . no .. I can’t lie to her.
She : Ok, if that’s your decision. no problem.
Me: Yes ..
She : Ok, bye then .
Me : Ok .. bbye.
I might have yelled a “O My God” (a-la janice) at the end of this, which is what probably woke up my grandpa.