Monthly Archives: April 2007

Ingredients of a thriller

So .. how does one write a thriller ?? Does it involve just some fast paced action , with a pinch of adultery and a handful of sex and a totally boring theme ??
Well .. I finished reading Deception point today morning .. and after that I remembered why I had given up on fiction. Its so bloody predictable. Everything will happen the exact same way you would have thought it would. There is no actual thrill in reading it. I am telling you, J K Rowling has managed to dish out better suspense stories than Dan Brown has .. and people call her books childish. I am no major fiction fan anyway but if you think that Da Vinci code was a masterpiece .. or that there are better thrillers than Harry Potter’s adventures , I should tell you there really is no thrill Dan Brown’s thriller .. and all that it has is a noisy errr .. 😦
If you need help in writing a thriller, you need not visit a Dan Brown workshop … I can tell you all of it right here .. you need a female protagonist .. preferably a loner type .. someone who isn’t too keen on romance and has had a difficult past ( one bad experience in the life of a otherwise rich chick will do ) .. then you need a intelligent male eye candy .. Someone who is hard to attract because he looks for intelligence in women and has preferably had a dead wife and hence is kind of a loner himself .. someone who has distanced himself from society and is totally engrossed in work. There you go … you have your two main characters .. then you need a villain .. this chap or chappie needs to be a high profile govt officer … someone who has access to high tech military gadgets so that you can show off your knowledge about the military warfare and weapons through him. But what you also need to do is to make this chap look like the good chap for about three-quarters of the book .. make him look human by showing his sad past .. and also at the same time subtly ( never a Dan Brown forte ) provide the reader with the vague idea that he has a motive to do what he would do in the book ..
After this .. you need a pseudo-villain .. someone on whom you will pin your hopes of the thriller .. someone whom you paint in all black .. someone who appears to be the villain from page one of the book .. someone who is power hungry .. make him/her look evil by showing him participating in evil missions. After this you throw in a bunch of useless characters , who do little to the book other than provide a much needed break from the military gyan through whatever little humor they are capable of (and definitely Dan Brown is not capable of much anyway ) .. right at the end of the book you have to provide a little subtle sex scene between the two lead characters with whatever little humor you can provide .. There you go .. you are done .. Thats your thriller .. Dan brown Style .. !!
Disgusting the book is .. my advice .. never read Dan Brown .. My 10th standard geography lessons were far more interesting than this .. !!

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Filed under Reviews

Advantages of attending conf-calls

Attending meetings have the advantage that you can somehow ramble on non-stop about your project to a non-technical human .. or to a junior in office .. or to a witless colleague .. but then there are times when even that insignificant bit of knowledge doesn’t help either.

Following stuff .. did happen 🙂

Scene 1
employee 1 .. “Hey .. they keep referring to this AAL2 bearer thing .. do you know what the hell is that .. ?? ”
employee 2 .. “you don’t know what a AAL2 bearer is .. ?? ”
employee 1 ( looking a bit defensive now ) .. “Of course I know .. I was just asking you if YOU know what it is .. ”

Scene 2
employee 1 .. “Now what in the god’s name is RTP”
employee 2 .. “really trust-worthy protocol”
employee 1 .. “yeah .. i know that ..but what does it do ??”

Scene 3
employee 1 .. “Why do they keep telling us things in acronyms .. like we are supposed to know all of them by-heart”
employee 2 .. “Oh .. didn’t you go through the trainings .. ?? ”
employee 1 .. “Yes .. I did”
employee 2 .. “Oh .. must be a different one from what I attended . they made us write full forms for all these acronyms all over our hands and chest and back , so that we remember them all our life”
employee 1 .. “don’t kid me .. I know thats not possible”
employee 2 .. “Of course its not possible .. but that makes such a better way to scare the shit out of you than the usual I-don’t-know ” ”

Scene 4
employee 1 .. “Hey .. What is this Managed Object ? ”
employee 2 .. “Uhmm . heard of UFO ?? ”
employee 1 .. “You mean .. the .. Unidentified flying objects ?? ”
employee 2 .. “yeah .. thats the one .. once they identify the flying object it becomes a managed object”

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Filed under Humour

The angry chap

New theme forces me to write a new post ..
There was this, rather unflattering, article that I read somewhere, that someone wrote , when he was really pissed off with the world of bloggers. According to him, bloggers are nothing more than self praising ( obviously has never come across my blog ), self absorbed ( again .. very sure doesn’t know me ), assholes ( ehh .. I hope he doesn’t know me ) who have nothing else to do but to tell people about what is happeneing in their meaningless lives and the only reason people ever comment on someone else’s blog is to make sure that the blog owner comes back to their blog to check it out , which , according to him, is the most pathetic online behaviour he had ever seen. Accoriding to this chap’s research, people who do not allow blog comments or moderate them, are the least popular amongst bloggers .. while people who allow sub standard and even unrelated-to-topic comments are the most popular.
He also went on to say that a character analysis pf people who do blog reveals that they are generally show-offs .. who either like to show off their technical knowledge or their HAPPENING life .. or worst still .. their writing skills. He also says that the blogger world is full of people who think that they write well, but the only reason they write on their own blog is because no one will ever allow their sub standard writing to appear on anything credible.
He conculded his writing by saying that owning a blog had also become a sort of status symbol for some people, who think its really COOL to be having a online presence.
This, not so wrong analysis of most people’s online life, has made me wonder .. “Gosh .. this chap had too much free time for all this research .. someone give him a job” 😀

PS -> I love this theme .. any positive comments on that shall be welcome .. negative comments shall be shown the recycle bin.
PS1 -> No, I am not the angry chap .. i don’t write in third person about myself .. Sanyam does .. !!
PS2 -> Did you check out the theme feature in Google – IG ?? Its damn cool .. keeps on changing with the time of the day .. awesome work !!

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Filed under Articles of Interest, Reviews

Things I do

Here is a simple list of things that I do when I am total frustoo with anyone or more than one of the following things

  • Life
  • Work
  • Bangalore Traffic
  • India cricket team’s performance
  • Boring cricket matches

The idea is to regain focus .. you can’t stay stuck frustoo about a single thing for a long time. For example, lets say
1. If you are frustoo about Life, about the way you seem to be heading no-where in life .. just waiting for good things to happen to you .. you think about the wonderful work life to take your mind off it.
2. But when you get frustoo about the shitty meeting hours, about the non-entity nature of work at office, about the useless phone conferences and about the Over head transmission about the fucked up Call Processing Architecture in the project that you will be working on.. think about the wonderful drive back home.
3. If you are frustoo about the fucking bangalore traffic, about the idiotic auto drivers who think they are god’s gift to bangalore’s roads … about the stupid car driver who seems to have mistaken his steering wheel for the whip of a cart-driver .. or about the bus driver who seem to have decided to take out the fury of the fight with their wives on the people on the road .. then you think about the wonderful cricket matches at World Cup.
4. If you are frustoo about the boring and no-comptetion matches in the World Cup ( like, Bangladesh Vs australia ) .. about the entry of Bangladesh and Ireland into the World-Cup super 8s .. about the no close contests so far in the world cup .. about the easy points for so many teams .. you think about the wonderful cricket matches coming up after the World cup is over
5. if you are frustoo because you think that India will continue it’s dismal performance in the Bangladesh tour .. so you think about .. ehh .. well .. there is nothing else to think about .. you just go to sleep after this point. It helps !! trust me !!

PS -> If you are frustoo over a dear friend’s changed marriage plan, because of which you have lost out a huge sum of money on the flight ticket .. then you go to hyderabad and KICK HIS ASS !!

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Filed under Uncategorized

Pursuit of HappYness – Movie Review

Been a very long time since I thought about a movie as much as I thought about thee movie “pursuit of happyness” .. Read the review here a few days back and I had decided by then, whatever happens I have to see this movie. Finally got a chance to see it last weekend.
My advise to you is, if you still haven’t seen it .. please get off your seat and go buy the ticket now. Its a total eye opener, and although I can’t relate to the character as much as Poorna did ( read the review ) .. but its still a story that touched my heart.
You really can’t ask for anything more from a movie, its not an entertainer .. its not a goody goody feeling movie .. its a movie that makes you think about how hard some people have to struggle to get the things in life that some of us just take granted. For me , it now ranks amongst my favourite fighter movies of all time .. Cinderella Man was another such movie and this one beats Cinderella Man in terms if sheer emotion and simplicity of theme and depiction of reality.

Favourite Scene ->
The one with Will Smith holding on to the door of the subway bathroom so that no one can open it to disturb his kid’s sleep because they didn’t have any other place to sleep in.
Favourite Lines ->
1. Will Smith to a guy who has just parked his sexy car right in front of him : “Dude, i have got two questions for you .. What do you do ?? and how do you do it ? ”
2. Interviewer to Will Smith when he walked in to the stock-broker intern interview wearing jeans and a vest with a jacket -> “What would you say if I gave the job to a guy who walks into a interview without his shirt” , Will Smith : “Nice pants 🙂 ”

My Verdict -> Awesome .. awesome .. awesome !!

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Filed under Reviews

Shaken .. and a little stirred too :)

I don’t know how many of you have had road accidents, but I had a pretty major one today and coming out of it with just a bruise on my left hand and a little bleeding from my left knee makes me wonder if there really is something in what these fortune tellers keep filling my mom’s ears with.
Just yesterday, my mom called to tell me to drive safely because she has been told by you-know-who that he sees a bike accident for me in near future and unless my mom does some pooja ( in other words .. feed the idiot with loads of food and respect ) … the danger to my well being shall continue. He also went on to say that it won’t be a major accident, and not fatal by any standard. How true he was .. but then again .. he can’t be so to the point and precise.
Anyway .. lets move on to the details of the accident .. and i know every one who has had an accident tells you this but in my case, it was literally true .. “It wasn’t my fault” 🙂 .. I was driving along merrily .. noticing the more than usual chirping of the birds and less than usual traffic on the road .. when there came a juncture in my journey when I had to overtake an auto .. and there was a bus coming from the other side. On any other day, I would have done it with the ease of taking butter out from refrigerator and gulping it down with hot rotis .. but today was different .. today, Satan was stationed on my way … just to make sure that you-know-who gets his way .. Anyway .. Just as I was half way over-taking the auto .. I felt a push to my bike from behind and before I could even say “what the F&*K”, I was on the ground on all fours and was noticing that the chirping of the birds was lot lesser and the traffic suddenly seemed a lot thicker .. Oh .. and then it hit me .. these people have stopped to pick me up from the road .. I limped out of the road to the pedestrian walk and some nice people stopped their vehicles ( at the expense of loud horns and shouts from those who could not see what had happened ) .. The auto that I was trying to overtake offered me water and brought my bike to me .. He was also nice enough to tell everyone that the accident was not my fault and he saw some bike driver pushing my bike while I was overtaking his auto .. That took my attention to the bike and for the first time I noticed the damage that was done .. the front of the bike came under the bus wheels .. and my bike wheels and the spokes and the mud-guard and the drum ( the round thing in the middle of the tyre ) could easily be confused together for one lump of solid steel with some rubber wrapped around it .. I somehow gathered enough sense ( thanks to the water ) and after people around me left, i started looking for a bike repair shop. Thankfully there was one very close by and now my bike is off for repair. Total expenses are expected to be in the range of 3 to 5k .. But that is not bad .. the worst feeling was when an old man at the bike repair shop started asking me about the accident and when I told him that I fell to the left of the road and the bike to the right .. he said “Thank god .. wonder what would have happened if it was the other way round”

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Filed under Personal