Kahaani ‘K’ Ki

I remember a quiz I participated in 4th Standard.

On being asked the author of Mahabharata, a team from another school responded in alarming chorus- “B R Chopra”. Obviously they didn’t want to waste the chance to get easy points.

Well .. ladies and Gentlemen .. gear up for the new answer from 4th graders – “Ekta Kapoor”.

Last week, I read this, and was very sure it was all just fiction and nothing of this sort was actually materializing in our very own Ekta Kapoor’s head. How wrong was I.

Saw the promotional ads for ‘Kahani Hamare Mahabharat ki’ last saturday and they have had me thinking since then, whether Ekta Kapoor has actually reached the position in Indian Television Industry to re-tell the biggest Epic of all time.

As I see it, there can be only two possible outcomes of this latest endeavor from Ms. Kappor –

1. Either the Indian public will love it, and my kids will someday tell me that my knowledge of Mahabharata is flawed and Arjun really did die twice and was re-born with a plastic surgery. Also the real reason behind the Mahabharata show-down was not that Pandavas were fighting for their right to rule but because Kauravs had business interest in Kurushetera and wanted to set up marijuana factories there, which Pandavas objected to. Am also sure, that my kids will also someday tell me that plastic surgery had originated in Mahabharata times and is not a new thing from the 20th Century.

2. On second thoughts, Ekta Kapoor might be forced to shut down the transmission of her latest Kahani because of protests from Bajrang Dal and Shiv Sena who would object to the fact that Draupati was not appropriately dressed. But knowing Ms. Ekta, the chances of this happening are pretty much the same as are the chances of her marrying George Bush.

Am sure Ms. Kapoor saw a brilliant story line already available to her and thanks to her twists and turns habits, am sure this Mahabharata would end up being the next big thing on Indian Television. The more I think of it, the more I understand why Ms. Kapoor decided to re-tell Mahabharata.

1. Mahabharata has the inbuilt K-factor. Multiple husbands for the same wife and she need not even dispense with actors – all five husbands were known to have lived together happily with one wife.

2. The episodes with Geeta recitation to Arjun will be a huge money saver. The TRPs will continue to rise because of die hard devotees waiting for each word coming out from Lord’s mouth. But Ms. Kapoor can easily ask other actors to take a month long break while only two actors (Poor Lord Krishna and Arjun) need to come for shoots. Of course, other people like spot boys etc can also be relieved of their duties for this month with only three people required – Arjun, Krishna and the Camera Man who can run from one place to another and do flashy things on the duo’s faces.

3. Am sure Ekta Kapoor, by now, already gets discounts from the animation and sound people because of her habit to over use the flashy faces and sounds in every scene. These discounts will come in handy, finally, in Mahabharata with every scene being a high voltage drama and all fight sequences being hard fought.

Of course, Ekta Kapoor can actually prove all her detractors wrong and make a splendid Mahabharata which would be on the lines of the actual Epic and would make all – fundamentalists and aunties at home – happy. But then, the chances of that happening are pretty much the same as her chances of marrying – at all.

With that out of the way, here is the latest happening from the streets of Bangalore

Saw a GUY a couple of days back at a traffic signal wearing a T-shirt that said “Wish these were brains”. What can I say .. I only hope he was wearing the T just as a bet and it wasn’t a part of his permanent collection.



Filed under Articles of Interest, bangalore, Reviews

19 responses to “Kahaani ‘K’ Ki

  1. God save Mahabharata!
    ehh, there seems to be something wrong with my wish, wasn’t God “in” Mahabharata? God, I hate recursion!

    and lol @ the guy on traffic signal… 😀

  2. Nirnimesh

    Love the way you write. Always!

  3. God!!!! are you somehow linked to ekta kapoor ?? 😛

  4. @ KD ,
    Too much programming is injurious to health 🙂

    @Nir ,
    Thanku thanku 🙂

    @Kulbir Saini ,
    are you asking god or you asking me ??

  5. pkj

    hehe. lovely post.

    well .. the guy at the traffic signal reminds me of of our dear friend lolu. he was more explicit. his teeshirt said – “Gee! I wish i were a man” – true story.

  6. interesting… since I am back to watching television, I couldnt agree more with you..

    lets see the latest one from the Biggest K of all .. Kyunki, Saas…

    Tulasi Virani… like everyone else, goes missing in some mishap.. then comes a lady who claims she is Tulasi (of course the actress is different because Smriti Irani herself turned into a producer)… so the next 70-80 episodes (or may be more) is spent on making the people realise that this new lady is actually Tulasi Virani….

    Meanwhile, Smriti Irani (its her real name) faces some trouble with her home production.. and plans to make a comeback.. Ekta Kapoor, knowing that Smriti Irani was the biggest crowd puller for “Kyunki…” gives it her approval .. and bang.. suddently the Old Tulasi is back..

    Now next 20-30 episodes are spent in proving that the the not so old Tulasi Virani is actually fake..and the Old Tulasi Virani is actually the Original….

    I know its all crap.. but don’t know how is it selling 😦

  7. @ PKJ ,
    he he he .. didn’t know about lolu incident 🙂

    @Rocky ,
    Switch off the bloody TV or at least switch to some other channel . there is these nice little channels called ESPN/Star Sports 🙂

  8. LOL.. but how do u know so much about these K serials? i suspect u have been watching too many of these lately.

    @rocky.. WTF! thats whats being watched by so many?!!

  9. Came back after long time (thru a search for bike trips near Hyderabad :))

    I am quite sure that original arrow heads crashing and then exploding scene seen in BR Choopra’s Maharabharat whould look awesome when shown 6 times from various angles, pan, tilt and zooms and that usuals sound track (tehan tehan … tehan.. )

    Love your posts 🙂

  10. Tagged you in my post…

  11. Ekta Kapoor

    Can u Guess ekta kapoor Website
    as ekta kapoor every thing start with “k” so it also with “k”


    Interesting na

    Intersting Links in Websites are

    Ekta Kapoor Profile

  12. Hey,
    You have chosen a very gud post..really humorous..
    Love to go through it…Its light up my mood..

    Nice one..
    Take care

  13. Udayan Mukherjee

    I watched the few episode of Ekta kapur’s Mahabharat.I am very much depressed to see this serial. It is an AMERICANISED MAHABHARAT so far as costumes are concerned.Are we watching the movie of THE KING ALEXANDER? WHY THE COSTUME OF ANCIENT GREEK HAVE BEEN USED IN INDIAN MYTHOLOGY? In fact there is a contrversy regarding the dress. Nobody have seen what type of dress Arjun usually wore.But IT SHOULD BE WHAT MAJOR PEOPLE HAVE GOT AN IMPRESSION ABOUT THEIR DRESSES.mRS kAPUR SHOULD SEE THE b.R cHOPRA’S mAHABHARAT AND THE OLD FEATURE FILM MAHABHARAT by A.A Nadiatwala acted by Pradip kumar, Padmini and Dara Singh.the looks and posture of the actor and actress are disgusting(Just like modern movie as if in which all are playing the role of mafia don). THIS MAHABHARAT IS VERY HARMFULL FOR NEW GENERATION because we have already seen the previous serial and movie and also read different books on Mahabharat.But most of the children of new generation do not know the story of mahabharat and they have not seen the old serial and movie. So they will have a wrong Idea about the characters of ONE OUR MOST POPULAR EPIC.

    It is my request to each and everybody who are watching Ekta Kapur’s Mahabharat to raise voice against the telecast of this horrible AMERICANISED STYLE OF INDIAN MYTHOLOGY.It is very much harmful to our children. The looks and dresses of the actor and actresses are like a westernised mafia don. The costumes are just like ancient Greek. The standing style, the way of dialogue throwing of the actors are as if they have come to a disco club. The most horrible is DRAUPADI. Oh my god! toal westernised face.sHE IS JUST SHOUTING.hORRIBLE ACTING.

    What a horrible widow dress Satyabati and Amba are wearing.It is just like wedding dress of a English lady.Ekta Kapur is fully influenced by AMERICAN CULTURE which she has focused on one of our Great epic like MAHABHARAT, SHAME, SHAME. Did Ekta Kapur read all these comments of public. She should read.

    Where is the long moustache of Santanu, Bhishma, Kans, Duryodhan? Does Ekta Kapur know that Moustache was the prestige of a Khatriya Raja? or she wants to write a new Mahabharat in westernised style? ankit said so what the ppl are wearing and hw they are looking. That means in ankit’s opinion santanu can easily wear jeans and tea shirt? oh? the style and test of the people may change in course of time.But this change should not be reflected in our mythology. the face make-up of Vishma, shantanu,duryodhan, and kans are just like a actros and actrsses of enghlish cow boys movie. Horrible .
    What a horrible face of Dhritarastra.Totally AMERICANISED FACE.Ekta kapur’s Mahabharat is insulting to one of our great epic.Probably mr Ankit and Mr Rajguru have no idea about this epic. The selection of actor,the costume, the way of acting, all are fully westernised. That is why I am against the telecast of this sereial.It is harmfull to our new generation.

  14. Udayan Mukherjee

    kta Kapur has brought the westernized fashion “Six pack Ab” in her Mahabharat. All characters (Male) exhibiting their open body just like ‘DARD E DISCO. WHAT IS THIS? Does Ekta think that these types of Americanized culture in Mahabharat will attract the young generation? If so then I will say she is wrong. Today’s young generations are not so cheap. Ekta should be punished for producing and spoiling our culture. All characters of Mahabharat looks like the character of modern age. One always expects a sort of super mundane aura to emanate from the mythological characters presented before them on the screen.

  15. Udayan Mukherjee

    As a professional music composer of Bengal I would like to say that the background music and the background song of Ekta Kapur’s Mahabharat is not all up to the mark. There is no mythological touch in it. Actually no body knows what type of songs was at the time of Mahbharat. But in all previous mythological bollywood movie the famous music composer like Vasant Desai, C.Ramchandra, Chitragupta, Laxmikant-Payrelal, Kalyanji-Anandji , Rajkamal selected few Ragas like CHANDRAKAUNS, MALKAUNSE, DARBARI-KANARA, KALAVATI, BHAIRABI and by applying frequently in their composition( Of course the songs are modern, commercial songs) in mythological movies like SAMPURNA RAMAYANA,(1960PROBABLY) PAVANPUTRA HANUMAN, (1958 probably), MAHBHARAT(1965), HARISH CHANDRA TAARAMATI(1964 probably), HARIDARSHAN(1973), HAR HAR MAHADEV(1970 probably), B.R CHOPRA’S MAHABHARAT they establish a “ mythological touch” in a mythological movie. It can not be physically defined. It is a precedent. It should be realized by heart. Particularly the songs composed in raga CHANDRAKAUNSE AND MALKAUNSE are considered to be the most effective in mythological hindi commercial movie. The music of Ekta Kapur Mahabharat failed to fulfill these criteria. It is just shouting and full of noise. I have not seen the name of the music composer in the title. But who may be he should take lesson from our previous great music composers whose name are mentioned above by listening to their music. I also composed many tune in many devotional and mythological music video and tele-films. I always try to give mythological touch in my composition. At least it should be different from a song of a modern movie.

  16. Udayan Mukherjee

    Actually the face of a young woman in Indian mythology should be heart shape(Padmini in Mahabharat, Rupa Ganguly in chopra’s serial, Dipika Chilkia as Sita in Ramayan serial, Anita Guha as Sita in Sampurna Ramayan). This is the general impression of public regarding Mythological characters. Not like the face of English type(for example Bipasha Basu, Susmita Sen, or the woman acting as Draupadi in Ekta’s Mahabharat. eKTA HAS SELECTED AN ACTRESS FOR DRAUPADI LOKKS HORRIBLE WESTERNETYPE FACE.

  17. Udayan Mukherjee

    he special effects of Ekta’s Mahbharat are C grade. Even in the year 2008 the special effect of this serial(eKTA’S mAHABHARAT) is not up to the mark. Whereas the special effects in the feature film Mahabharat released in the year 1965 was fantastic. The director was BABUBHAI MISTIRY who was the inventor of special effects in hindi movie.Ekta should see this movie. The special effect of Chopra’s Mabharat was also very good. Actually Ekta has no experience of making these types of serial. Ektaji, pl note it is not so easy and it is not a SAAS-Bahu serial. You have to convert your mind from westernised to Indianised .You are thinking that young generation will be attracted by your modernization of Mahabharat.It is totally wrong. You can’t bring new waive in Mythology by imposing your new horrible thoughts. Please see MAHABHARAT FEATURE FILM AND CHOPRA’S SERIAL,OR MAHABHARAT NOW SHOWING AT NDTV IMAGINE AND TRY TO REALISE WHY MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE AGAINST YOUR Mahabharat.

  18. Udayan Mukherjee

    1)Why she selected Rediculous hair-band on the head of the each character.Where is MUKUT?
    2)Why all charaters are wearing black dresses?
    3)Where are the mustouches which were the prestige of khatriya?
    4)What a horrible set-settings and decoration of raj-darbaar,as if they were leaving in a cave.Ekta should learn from B.R Chopra,Ramanand Sagar who were the creature of Mahabharat and Ramayan.
    5) Brining six pack ab is the blunder of this serial.The muscular mythological charater generally mean PAHELWAN type body like DARA SINGH,PRAVIN KUMAR,SAUDAGAR SINGH(iNDIAN WRESTLER) not like Salman khan, Hritik roshan,who bult their by going to modern GYM.

  19. pokad

    bhai kaha hao?

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