Category Archives: Personal

About Me !!

A Senseless post

Am Tired of reading digg right now .. and considering the amount of senseless shit I have just been through .. I think I will do a good job of reproducing a little on my own.

Hmm .. so the last post was about two and a half months back and since then the only thing that has changed in my life is the addition of a refrigerator and a couch in my living room. Now I can comfortably lie down on the couch .. gulp down cold water and move my hands over my ever growing tummy and watch the Cricket matches . Occasionally, when I get bored of this .. I move on to the Bean Bag .. and repeat the same.

Cooking Experiments have taken a hit since I made myself a water logged Version of Poha, and the cooking confidence is on an all time low level. I might give it a shot again, you know .. but till then .. its ready to eat Aloo Parathas with Boiled Eggs and Toast for me. I did once convince myself to go to the kitchen and open the half consumed packet of Maggi, but ate the rest of it raw .. its every bit as much tasty as the cooked version .. and lets face it .. who wants to wait 2 minutes for Maggi anyway.

Professionally .. uhmm .. ok .. lets ignore this section .. not much happening there anyway .. as you would understand because this post is being written at 2:30 PM on a Thursday Afternoon. The only cheer for the day will be, I will be going out to get the Birthday Cake for Team Birthday Celebration this evening. How fascinating my work life is.

Am planning to buy an Xbox or a Wii sometime this week though .. Jayaram suggests that the Wii is a chick Magnet and if I manage to get some chick to play with me on a Wii at my place, she would definitely marry me. Duly noted .. next step .. need to find the next hot chick going alone, whom I can gag and bring home and make to play on wii with me.

Oh and by the way .. if you notice lesser Girls on Bangalore Streets these days .. its not my fault .. its the heat. Speaking of the heat .. read a rather interesting argument about Bangalore heat in the newspaper yesterday. The author of the article suggested that the real reason why we are feeling more heat in Bangalore these days is actually due to the rising number of High rise buildings that use a glass facade. He produced data from meteorology department to prove this. May be he is right .. Wish Al Gore had read the article though. His two hour movie on global Warming (An Inconvenient Truth) is making me switch off the Refrigerator when I leave home along with the TV, Geyser and light equipments.

Also, if you haven’t tried the Cape Gemini CricBuzz challenge, do not try. The questions are the most worthless lot I have seen in a long long time. And someone in Cape Gemini needs to be reminded a thing or two about the aesthetics of web pages. About the quiz as such, most of the questions are developed in a way that will make you bang your head against the keyboard. This is because you will know the answer, but the web page will not accept it as an answer, because it has been programmed to accept a different spelling of the same.

Yesterday’s question ->

A picture of Vodafone Ad with the little boy and the little dog and next to it a picture of Kris Srikkanth. The hint is .. “Connect”.

Now even if you know the answer to this one .. I can bet on it that you wont get it right 🙂

Alright, its time now to go now to buy the Cake for Birthday Celebrations .. Yuu Huuuuuu !!



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The Traffic Signal + Addicted

I was stuck at this traffic signal in Bangalore last weekend (for those of you who live in Bangalore, the signal was on the road leading from NGV to the inner Ring Road). There is a temple on the road .. and as it happened that day .. due to the huge traffic jam .. I was stuck right in front of it for about 5 full minutes.
You see these things in movies (Traffic Signal – The movie name), but you never actually believe them till you see them in person. My eyes were closely following a little girl who was running around holding a baby in her arms with an empty milk bottle in the other hand. It surely is a heart melting site .. anyone who even gives the little girl a look would sure want to give some money to her. I noticed as she went from car window to car window , tapping the glass with minimal effort .. looking more and more frail with every tap. A few car owners gave her money, someone even gave her a Fifty Rupee Note as she thanked them. It all seemed pretty filmy to me. So, I decided to follow this girl’s movements a little more.
She went back towards the temple, and met another girl her age. There, the baby changed hands. This was the first time I noticed the baby. It was a normal healthy baby. Actually ,what the heck .. it was more than just a healthy baby .. it was a FAT baby. No signs of being deprived of milk or food. Just that the clothes were dirty and seemed to have some body marks. But , nonetheless .. it was a FAT baby. The second girl took the baby in her arms, handed out banana she was eating to the first girl, who finished it up and then they pulled out another banana from the bunch kept next to them. Closer look revealed not just bananas, but also apples and a couple of oranges kept there. The second girl enjoyed a 2 minute fruit meal with the first one and the baby, and then the first girl pointed her towards the car that gave her the Fifty rupee note.
The funniest part, this second girl came with the same baby, with the same milk bottle, to the same car and again went back with a Fifty Rupee note. Someone in that car sure was washing away his life full of guilt that day.
But what the hell .. the girls were having a good time .. and so was the baby !!

Addicted to Reader ->
Just a few of the things I did in the last few weeks that prove am addicted to reader
1. Win Media Player was playing a crappy song .. I pressed ‘j’ to go the next song.
2. Tried to select all files in the folder using ‘g-a’
3. Tried to share a folder using shift-s
4. Tried refreshing a web page using ‘r’


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I still remember my school days .. the last few ones specially.
I remember the staying back after school to play that one game of cricket that we got in a month telling at home that we were busy with computer practicals.
I remember the cycling all the way to and back from school, a distance of about 7 kms, everyday.
I remember the long study hours, which were actually spent reading the comic books with the comic in between the pages of the book.
I remember the old Physics teacher, whose classes everyday began and ended with teaching the same chapter over and over again.
I remember the wonderful Mathematics teacher, who gave me the worst punishment of all time for throwing chalk pieces in class, by saying “I didn’t expect this from you, of all people”
I remember the nice English teacher for whom every boy in class had the hots for 🙂
I remember the badminton matches I won, the ones I lost, the one where I looked up to look at that one girl from my class staring at me from the balcony and losing all track of the shuttle.
I remember my friend Himanshu singing loudly “teri galiyon mein na rakenge kadam” to reply to the girl from the class, who was over heard complaining to other girls that we frequent her neighborhood after school hours.
I remember the late evening cricket games at home ..
I remember listening to Kishore Kumar while actually studying .. and telling parents that it helps me concentrate.
I remember telling myself after every exams that I will start studying from the beginning again and I wont screw up the next exam.
I remember screwing up my chemistry exams all the time ..
I remember my first exam where I scored less than 60%, and the dread I felt telling about it at home.
I remember the small stretch of straight road in from my house where we played cricket sometimes.
I remember the long sixes my brother used to hit and then made me fetch the ball from the neighbor’s house, who happened to have huge dogs.
I remember the first time I officially bunked school. Having told at home that I was going to school, we friends ran off to some other place and spent the new year’s day at a popular hang out.
I remember the first time I left home, to go with friends for NDA examinations, the expression on mom’s face.
I remember the last time I left home ..

Somethings don’t change ever .. isn’t it ?
No matter what happens, the place where you spent your childhood, your adolescence days .. will always be Home, and the place you live at right now, will always just be an apartment.

PS : Got some very old songs from a colleague at work. Reminded me of the songs I used to listen during school days. Back to listening to Kishore Kumar/ Mohd. Rafi 🙂


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Trains and Me

I think I have finally developed a theory that explains the behaviour of Indian Railways, in particular towards me.
I cant think of any human I know who has been screwed over so many times as I have by the railways. Its just that every time I am about to board , on board or off board a train, something has to happen.
My theory suggests that someone out there is on a terminator-style mission to screw my life. It could be for many reasons. I could possibly go on to become the leader of human’s resistance to trains. I could possibly also go on to become the leader of human’s resistance to robots .. or something that sounds more like a thing that I can really do. Anyway, the point here is ,, that I am sure that I will go to become the leader of some resistance and hence someone has been sent back from the future to screw my present.
If you think that this is highly unlikely .. kindly explain the following facts .. and then try to refute my logic in explaining the fact.
1. Everytime I manage to baord a train, I am surrounded in my compartment by either crying babies, shouting aunties or tobacco chewing uncles.
My Explanation -> This is all an intricate process of mental breakdown introduced originally by Hitler, through concentration camps. While concentration camps are now banned officially, they still exist today in the form of railway compartments. Instead of being in a room full of crying jews , you are in a room full of crying babies. Though I have no hands-on experience of being in a concentration camp, I am sure that the babies cry louder.
Its apparently a well-worked out strategy. The reservation in my compartment is not available to just about everyone. Only the people who are capable of shouting at the top of their voices, and people in possession of weapons , also known as babies, capable of shouting at the top of their voices,are allowed.
2. Everytime their is a delay in the train arrival, I would miss the train by a whisker of a second.
My Explanation -> well, the fact is a little exaggerated, because if my readers remember, I missed a 4 hour late train by 30 minutes in Madhupur. But the point that was missed there was, the stupid train recovered. In my entire life I have never heard a train recover its delay time unless I am supposed to board it.
I think this is also a careful, well laid out plan. Apparently crying babies and shouting aunties are not available at all times to the enemy. Hence he has to resort to making me miss the train instead.
3. If there is a chance for something to go wrong , it would go wrong.
My explanation -> I know most of you would say that the above mentioned fact is a universal fact and does not only apply to the relationship between me and the railways. But what you got to understand here is the probability factor. Apparently the probability of going something wrong in a normal human’s relation with railways is 0.1 while in my case its 0.8 ( I would be really happy to score 80% in anything in life .. but this )
I have facts to support the above statement. Do you remember the time I missed my train from Delhi railway station last Diwali ( I happen to know one reader of mine who definitely would remember that 😛 ), do you also remember the time I missed my train from Madhupur railways station ( I happen to know at least two more people who would definitely remember that 😛 ), while we are remembering stuff .. I should probably also tell you about the time when I didnt get a train ticket in a Lucknow bound train that was empty except for a lone passenger in my compartment the form of a canine. This was long long long back. The TT refused to give me a penalty ticket saying that he wont give me one unless I bribe him with 800 rupees. I dont know about you , but I am definitely not one to pay 800 rupees to spend a night with a dog, whatever gender it is. I refused and the TT said that there would be a checking squad in Kanpur. We argued, with the dog being the sole audience and witness, and I finally agreed to pay him 300 ruppes for a ticket that would have not cost me more than 200 rupees otherwise. Thats not the bad part actually. Late that night , while I was having a hard time controlling my sleep instincts, I was asked to show my ticket by the checking squad in Kanpur. I prdocued the first piece of paper that came within my grasp and was promptly told that this was not the ticket. I woke up with all my senses wide awake and I saw the dog chewing away at what looked like the last bits of my former ticket. I explained to the squad and finally bribed them another 500 to stay clear of any hauling up in the back of a police van.
Sort of a sad relationship I have had with the railways.

Ohh by the way, I just thought of another category of leader I could become in the future. I could also become the leader who revolutionizes the concept of trains, to make them look more like flights. You know, instead of the dirty help boys we have now , how about rail-hostess later on. Also, something like an announcement by the driver of the train before starting and stopping at major stations .. You get the picture .. right ?
Starting Announcement -> “Ladies and Gentelmen .. Thank you for choosing Indian Railways as your preferred way of commute from Delhi to Gorakhpur. The top of the train would be blown up in case of an accident or fire or general derailment to help evacuation. We have tested this feature in Top software companies in India and it has worked almost all the time. In case, this doesn’t work, you are provided with hammer and shovel in each compartment’s bathroom. Kindly do not use these to hit and bury other passengers. Also, since we are a low cost and low maintenance service, in case of water evacuation kindly do not rip off your seats for floating. We would want to reuse them. Thank you, have a pleasant journey .. Ohh .. and by the way .. do we have any electrical engineers in the train anywhere who can tell me what this whole bunch of buttons in front of me do, any help in stopping the train will be appreciated.”
Stopping announcement -> “Ladies and Gentelmen .. We would be arriving in Gorakhpur in a couple of minutes. Kindly make sure that you have all your precious belongings either swalloed or operated into your intestines. The railways is not accountable for any theft , attack, mugging, slaying that could happen here. We try to make our stoppage as short as possible, Kindly jump off the train in case you cant get off in time. We are as surprised as you are to have actually made it this far without knowing how any of these buttons work .. now only If I knew a way to stop this damn thing .. lets see .. how about this red push button thing with skull and bones crossing mark ?? ”

PS -> I wrote all this when I was getting majorly bored in the train trip from Delhi to Gorakhpur. Any resemblance to the idea of logic and clarity is not to be expected under such torturous surroundings. I had a VERY hard time sleeping that night , thanks to the baby who just wouldn’t shut up. I also remember swearing that if I hear his cries for another half an hour, I will either kill myself or the baby – Baby being the easier of the two targets.


Filed under Personal

void pre-Diwali-post(void)

I would like to start this post with congratulating Kunal.
He is ‘officially’ not available any more. Notice the stress on the word officially ?? Well .. he has been not available for quite some time now .. So much so that Its been really hard to remember the last time I talked to him in person.
And I must tell you .. I am probably the happiest person, now that he is engaged .. the reason being that every time a girl, I was going out with, saw his pictures .. they would be like “Oh .. he is so cute” … and I would have to come up with a bunch of lies to sabotage the prospects of my once upon a time flat mate. Starting from he is a chain smoker to a hard core alcoholic .. and .. If I remember right .. there was also once upon a time mention of him being gay .. Thankfully, I am spared of all that lying now ..
Now, with that heavy weight of my chest .. I can happily move on.

By the way .. Do you smoke ?? If I was still smoking .. I would stop today .. See this .. Scary .. huh ??

Also, there is a video that shows Dick Cheney sleeping during a cabinet meeting. Give the old man a break .. ‘Dick’ has probably been working a lot during his youthful days and you can’t really expect him to work at this age.

Oh .. btw .. I am really happy today ..
My Diwali leaves got approved and am finally going home !!! YAYY !!


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Overheard while I was standing on my balcony late on Sunday evening ->

She told him over the sobs “I told you not to kiss me .. I had cold .. now you have it too .. I feel so bad at having given you the virus .. now you cant go to office tomorrow .. and you will have a miserable time sleeping .. you got sick because of me .. I cant get over the feeling that its all my fault .. I feel guilty”

He told her amongst the sniffs, voice hardly distinguishable from a hoarse croak “One kiss from you is worth a thousand days of sickness” … as he kissed her again

Cute .. aren’t they ? 🙂


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Bomb in my pocket

I had just reached home on August 14th, and wishing to catch up with the news on cricket front, I switched to the news channel that first came to my mind .. NDTV .. they were covering some news regarding some bomb in your pocket .. I muttered a few obscenities about how these people come up with the most catchy lines to attract the viewer’s attention. Flip to Times Now .. something similar .. Flip to Star News .. Something similar .. Flip to Aaj Tak .. “IT IS THE BIGGEST BOMB THREAT TO HAVE EVER TROUBLED INDIA IN THE LAST FEW YEARS” followed by the mellow news anchor saying “There is a bomb in your pocket .. and you have probably had it in there for about a year now without knowing what it could do .. but now is the time to dispose it off .. because if you dont do that .. chances are that it could kill you” .. Not someone who needs second invitation about getting myself as far away from bombs as possible .. I emptied the contents of pocket immediately .. A reluctant mp3 player came off without its ear plugs component .. further searching also brought out the ear plugs with one of the plugs missing .. fine .. more searching .. Its weird .. when you are trying to search for something in a small dark place .. the chances are that you will find it either at the furthest end from the starting point … or outside the dark place .. the dark place being my pocket here .. I found much later that the ear plug had managed to attach itself to the mp3 player and was already out.
Its weird what things come out of your pockets when your pants have not been washed for about 15 days .. I found three different sets of two movie tickets each .. all of them neatly rolled into a pile .. as though I knew that sometime later I would need to find out what all movies I went to .. A Few more card swipe receipts .. thats about it .. Unless of course you count in the few rupees that somehow always manage to find their way to my pockets every time I am about to put my pants for wash.
Ok .. am safe now .. or so I thought ..
The news coverage began and I eventually found that the bomb was actually my cell phone .. why the hell did they distract me by saying that it would be in my pocket .. it was in my laptop bag .. Apparently All Nokia phones with batteries with the sequence “Bl-5C” on it were faulty and could act as mini bombs if over – heated .. I immediately dis-assembled my phone .. and found out .. that sure enough .. my batters Sequence was Bl-5C. 😦
More coincidences follow .. Apparently only the batteries that were manufactured between December 2005 and November 2006 were faulty. I brought my phone sometime around February last year .. Very nice of Nokia to come forward with the proposal to replace the batteries free f cost .. but what the hell do I do with the bomb in my pocket till the replacement comes.
I have been cautious while interacting with my phone since then. Its not as though I have not charged my phone since then .. I have .. but I have made sure that I charge it in a different room from the one I am in. I have shortlisted the people whose calls I want to receive .. Only the most important calls are being received .. I have made minimal calls since then .. only to order food 😛 .. And extra caution is being exercised while putting my phone for charge and while removing it from charge .. using the spare mattress to cover the phone while I do that .. I do not need the spare one anyway .. 🙂
Are you calling me paranoid ?? .. no no .. I am _5mok1nG_GuN_ .. Tarun was paranoid 😀
(If you dont know what that means .. you definitely did not play CS with us 🙂 )


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