Kahaani ‘K’ Ki

I remember a quiz I participated in 4th Standard.

On being asked the author of Mahabharata, a team from another school responded in alarming chorus- “B R Chopra”. Obviously they didn’t want to waste the chance to get easy points.

Well .. ladies and Gentlemen .. gear up for the new answer from 4th graders – “Ekta Kapoor”.

Last week, I read this, and was very sure it was all just fiction and nothing of this sort was actually materializing in our very own Ekta Kapoor’s head. How wrong was I.

Saw the promotional ads for ‘Kahani Hamare Mahabharat ki’ last saturday and they have had me thinking since then, whether Ekta Kapoor has actually reached the position in Indian Television Industry to re-tell the biggest Epic of all time.

As I see it, there can be only two possible outcomes of this latest endeavor from Ms. Kappor –

1. Either the Indian public will love it, and my kids will someday tell me that my knowledge of Mahabharata is flawed and Arjun really did die twice and was re-born with a plastic surgery. Also the real reason behind the Mahabharata show-down was not that Pandavas were fighting for their right to rule but because Kauravs had business interest in Kurushetera and wanted to set up marijuana factories there, which Pandavas objected to. Am also sure, that my kids will also someday tell me that plastic surgery had originated in Mahabharata times and is not a new thing from the 20th Century.

2. On second thoughts, Ekta Kapoor might be forced to shut down the transmission of her latest Kahani because of protests from Bajrang Dal and Shiv Sena who would object to the fact that Draupati was not appropriately dressed. But knowing Ms. Ekta, the chances of this happening are pretty much the same as are the chances of her marrying George Bush.

Am sure Ms. Kapoor saw a brilliant story line already available to her and thanks to her twists and turns habits, am sure this Mahabharata would end up being the next big thing on Indian Television. The more I think of it, the more I understand why Ms. Kapoor decided to re-tell Mahabharata.

1. Mahabharata has the inbuilt K-factor. Multiple husbands for the same wife and she need not even dispense with actors – all five husbands were known to have lived together happily with one wife.

2. The episodes with Geeta recitation to Arjun will be a huge money saver. The TRPs will continue to rise because of die hard devotees waiting for each word coming out from Lord’s mouth. But Ms. Kapoor can easily ask other actors to take a month long break while only two actors (Poor Lord Krishna and Arjun) need to come for shoots. Of course, other people like spot boys etc can also be relieved of their duties for this month with only three people required – Arjun, Krishna and the Camera Man who can run from one place to another and do flashy things on the duo’s faces.

3. Am sure Ekta Kapoor, by now, already gets discounts from the animation and sound people because of her habit to over use the flashy faces and sounds in every scene. These discounts will come in handy, finally, in Mahabharata with every scene being a high voltage drama and all fight sequences being hard fought.

Of course, Ekta Kapoor can actually prove all her detractors wrong and make a splendid Mahabharata which would be on the lines of the actual Epic and would make all – fundamentalists and aunties at home – happy. But then, the chances of that happening are pretty much the same as her chances of marrying – at all.

With that out of the way, here is the latest happening from the streets of Bangalore

Saw a GUY a couple of days back at a traffic signal wearing a T-shirt that said “Wish these were brains”. What can I say .. I only hope he was wearing the T just as a bet and it wasn’t a part of his permanent collection.

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Filed under Articles of Interest, bangalore, Reviews

A Senseless post

Am Tired of reading digg right now .. and considering the amount of senseless shit I have just been through .. I think I will do a good job of reproducing a little on my own.

Hmm .. so the last post was about two and a half months back and since then the only thing that has changed in my life is the addition of a refrigerator and a couch in my living room. Now I can comfortably lie down on the couch .. gulp down cold water and move my hands over my ever growing tummy and watch the Cricket matches . Occasionally, when I get bored of this .. I move on to the Bean Bag .. and repeat the same.

Cooking Experiments have taken a hit since I made myself a water logged Version of Poha, and the cooking confidence is on an all time low level. I might give it a shot again, you know .. but till then .. its ready to eat Aloo Parathas with Boiled Eggs and Toast for me. I did once convince myself to go to the kitchen and open the half consumed packet of Maggi, but ate the rest of it raw .. its every bit as much tasty as the cooked version .. and lets face it .. who wants to wait 2 minutes for Maggi anyway.

Professionally .. uhmm .. ok .. lets ignore this section .. not much happening there anyway .. as you would understand because this post is being written at 2:30 PM on a Thursday Afternoon. The only cheer for the day will be, I will be going out to get the Birthday Cake for Team Birthday Celebration this evening. How fascinating my work life is.

Am planning to buy an Xbox or a Wii sometime this week though .. Jayaram suggests that the Wii is a chick Magnet and if I manage to get some chick to play with me on a Wii at my place, she would definitely marry me. Duly noted .. next step .. need to find the next hot chick going alone, whom I can gag and bring home and make to play on wii with me.

Oh and by the way .. if you notice lesser Girls on Bangalore Streets these days .. its not my fault .. its the heat. Speaking of the heat .. read a rather interesting argument about Bangalore heat in the newspaper yesterday. The author of the article suggested that the real reason why we are feeling more heat in Bangalore these days is actually due to the rising number of High rise buildings that use a glass facade. He produced data from meteorology department to prove this. May be he is right .. Wish Al Gore had read the article though. His two hour movie on global Warming (An Inconvenient Truth) is making me switch off the Refrigerator when I leave home along with the TV, Geyser and light equipments.

Also, if you haven’t tried the Cape Gemini CricBuzz challenge, do not try. The questions are the most worthless lot I have seen in a long long time. And someone in Cape Gemini needs to be reminded a thing or two about the aesthetics of web pages. About the quiz as such, most of the questions are developed in a way that will make you bang your head against the keyboard. This is because you will know the answer, but the web page will not accept it as an answer, because it has been programmed to accept a different spelling of the same.

Yesterday’s question ->

A picture of Vodafone Ad with the little boy and the little dog and next to it a picture of Kris Srikkanth. The hint is .. “Connect”.

Now even if you know the answer to this one .. I can bet on it that you wont get it right 🙂

Alright, its time now to go now to buy the Cake for Birthday Celebrations .. Yuu Huuuuuu !!

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Super Sick !!

Fell super sick this time .. almost all of last week was spent on bed. But then, if it takes a few days of sickness to get a hold of a few facts about yourself .. well .. may be its’ worth it .. On second thoughts .. may be not 😛

1. Realized that there are medicines that can put me to sleep for 19 hours. Next time I am going home via train, I am taking them.
2. Realized that if I don’t shave for a week, I can easily get the part of Daku Mangal Singh in any day time serial with negligible audience.
3. realized that if I see myself in the morning after sleeping for one full day, unshaven, I can come pretty close to giving myself a heart attack.
4. Also, One week of not shaving puts me about 3 days away from the Jesus Christ beard.
5. The sensation of cold and warmth can be experienced together and it doesn’t feel good.
6. Doctors talk a lot, sometimes it’s good .. sometimes I just wanted him to shut up and let me go.
7. Maggi is super tasty when you are sick.
8. Learned to make different variety of Poha .. its called Water Logged Poha or Flooded Poha. Its not so good to eat, but the good point is .. you don’t need to drink water after eating it.
9. I can’t spoil Maggi … even if I am sick 🙂
10. I now know the entire schedule of programs on most of the channels .. it can be summarized in one word .. Advertisement.
11. The construction workers in my building are nice people, after I spent all Wednesday in fever, which kept getting worse because of their non stop bang bang down stairs, I only had to yell at them once to make sure they carried their work to basement.
12. Cricket matches Rock ..

Small time viral infection, that the doctor diagnosed on last Wednesday, suddenly turned into major viral infection on Thursday morning. Friday morning was better, but not by much. Headache and fever finally started disappearing on Saturday mid day. Sunday was good and relaxed .. watched the match .. felt good even though India lost .. started reading James Hadley Chase – The Wary Transgressor. Seems pretty good so far.

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The Traffic Signal + Addicted

I was stuck at this traffic signal in Bangalore last weekend (for those of you who live in Bangalore, the signal was on the road leading from NGV to the inner Ring Road). There is a temple on the road .. and as it happened that day .. due to the huge traffic jam .. I was stuck right in front of it for about 5 full minutes.
You see these things in movies (Traffic Signal – The movie name), but you never actually believe them till you see them in person. My eyes were closely following a little girl who was running around holding a baby in her arms with an empty milk bottle in the other hand. It surely is a heart melting site .. anyone who even gives the little girl a look would sure want to give some money to her. I noticed as she went from car window to car window , tapping the glass with minimal effort .. looking more and more frail with every tap. A few car owners gave her money, someone even gave her a Fifty Rupee Note as she thanked them. It all seemed pretty filmy to me. So, I decided to follow this girl’s movements a little more.
She went back towards the temple, and met another girl her age. There, the baby changed hands. This was the first time I noticed the baby. It was a normal healthy baby. Actually ,what the heck .. it was more than just a healthy baby .. it was a FAT baby. No signs of being deprived of milk or food. Just that the clothes were dirty and seemed to have some body marks. But , nonetheless .. it was a FAT baby. The second girl took the baby in her arms, handed out banana she was eating to the first girl, who finished it up and then they pulled out another banana from the bunch kept next to them. Closer look revealed not just bananas, but also apples and a couple of oranges kept there. The second girl enjoyed a 2 minute fruit meal with the first one and the baby, and then the first girl pointed her towards the car that gave her the Fifty rupee note.
The funniest part, this second girl came with the same baby, with the same milk bottle, to the same car and again went back with a Fifty Rupee note. Someone in that car sure was washing away his life full of guilt that day.
But what the hell .. the girls were having a good time .. and so was the baby !!

Addicted to Reader ->
Just a few of the things I did in the last few weeks that prove am addicted to reader
1. Win Media Player was playing a crappy song .. I pressed ‘j’ to go the next song.
2. Tried to select all files in the folder using ‘g-a’
3. Tried to share a folder using shift-s
4. Tried refreshing a web page using ‘r’

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Filed under Personal

Flashback

I still remember my school days .. the last few ones specially.
I remember the staying back after school to play that one game of cricket that we got in a month telling at home that we were busy with computer practicals.
I remember the cycling all the way to and back from school, a distance of about 7 kms, everyday.
I remember the long study hours, which were actually spent reading the comic books with the comic in between the pages of the book.
I remember the old Physics teacher, whose classes everyday began and ended with teaching the same chapter over and over again.
I remember the wonderful Mathematics teacher, who gave me the worst punishment of all time for throwing chalk pieces in class, by saying “I didn’t expect this from you, of all people”
I remember the nice English teacher for whom every boy in class had the hots for 🙂
I remember the badminton matches I won, the ones I lost, the one where I looked up to look at that one girl from my class staring at me from the balcony and losing all track of the shuttle.
I remember my friend Himanshu singing loudly “teri galiyon mein na rakenge kadam” to reply to the girl from the class, who was over heard complaining to other girls that we frequent her neighborhood after school hours.
I remember the late evening cricket games at home ..
I remember listening to Kishore Kumar while actually studying .. and telling parents that it helps me concentrate.
I remember telling myself after every exams that I will start studying from the beginning again and I wont screw up the next exam.
I remember screwing up my chemistry exams all the time ..
I remember my first exam where I scored less than 60%, and the dread I felt telling about it at home.
I remember the small stretch of straight road in from my house where we played cricket sometimes.
I remember the long sixes my brother used to hit and then made me fetch the ball from the neighbor’s house, who happened to have huge dogs.
I remember the first time I officially bunked school. Having told at home that I was going to school, we friends ran off to some other place and spent the new year’s day at a popular hang out.
I remember the first time I left home, to go with friends for NDA examinations, the expression on mom’s face.
I remember the last time I left home ..

Somethings don’t change ever .. isn’t it ?
No matter what happens, the place where you spent your childhood, your adolescence days .. will always be Home, and the place you live at right now, will always just be an apartment.

PS : Got some very old songs from a colleague at work. Reminded me of the songs I used to listen during school days. Back to listening to Kishore Kumar/ Mohd. Rafi 🙂

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Of Monkeys and Maa-Ki’s

I find it hard to believe that Bhajji would have called Symonds “Big Monkey”.
And I think I am right to assume that what he would have actually said was “teri – BIG – Maa – Ki”.
Come on .. he is an Indian .. Monkeys are gods here (Hanumaan) .. we have animation movies made here , one very year, to make sure that the young generation worships and adores the god. And more than that .. he is a jaat .. From Jalandhar .. Punjab. Calling people monkeys is almost a respect there .. nothing derogatory about that .. Thats more like girl talk .. I am of the opinion that if Bhajji really wanted to insult Symo .. he could have used lot more things than just monkey .. Maa-Ki being one of them.
And considering Symo’s general tendency to run to big mommy (Match Referees) when he hears people monkeying around, its no wonder that he actually went to the extent to first locating Ricky Ponting, Michael Clarke, Gilchrist, Hayden ont he field and telling them “Listen .. he just called me a Monkey” .. In Bhajji’s jaat accent .. its really not surprising that Maa-Ki would sound like “Moneky”.
Clarke, Hayden, Gilli and Ponting all said they heard the words “Monkey” .. of course .. only from Symo .. Referees didnt’ hear a thing .. Sachin .. of course .. didn’t hear a thing. But still .. its the case of Australian word against Indians. And this is not the only case.
Remember how Symo was out caught behind to Ishant .. only that he wasn’t given ??
Just tally that with the case of Ganguly being given out caught by Clarke in the slip. Is it that in Ganguly’s case, the fact that the catch was taken by an Aussie makes it an authentic catch ??
What the bloody FUCK was the umpire thinking in asking the Australian slip cordon if the catch was completed .. Was he expecting that the Aussies would say “Oh no .. we didn’t complete the catch .. we just got together to celebrate the 4th ball of the over”
After the match .. Ponting lost his cool talking to an Indian journalist who apparently questioned his integrity. I do not question Ponting’s intentions .. he was probably just playing it fair .. taking his chances as and when they come. He thought he completed the catch .. and he asked for the catch. I even remember that while Clarke was celebrating the Ganguly dismissal, Ponting first asked him if he had completed the catch .. and then told Umpire that the catch was completed fairly. He trusted his team mate .. its not his fault if the team mate was the same ass who stood his ground after nicking the ball to first slip during his batting .. a deviation of about 70 degrees .. waiting for the umpire to send him back. Probably he expected similar favors as Ponting and Symo got .. not this time .. even Steve Bucknor could not give him not out.
Weird as it seems .. I see the scrappy Australians begging for a win, and gutsy Indian standing tall at the end of the match .. and irrespective of the outcome of the match … my belief in the Indian team has only grown stronger.
Am happy that our team has pushed the Aussies into such a tight corner that they had to virtually stoop to such low levels to win a match. I am happy that Sachin has finally got to his 38th Century. I am happy that Laxman has once again showed the Aussies what he is capable of. I am happy that Rahul and Ganguly both sportingly went off the field when given wrongly out. I am happy that Kumble let his words do the talking at the post match conference by saying that “Only one team played in the spirit of the game today” .. But you know what .. I would have been happier if Bhajji had slammed his bat at Symond’s over sized head and Kumble had broken Clarke’s jaw, and if Australians had shown little respect for the game.

PS : Update from a friend -> tour suspended .. I am happy .. finally BCCI is learning something from the Cricket team and showing some stomach for a fight.
PS_2 : Ohh .. and something totally unrelated .. have you guys seen Michale Clarke chase balls to the boundary .. if you haven’t, follow him closely the next time and tell me if he doesn’t remind you of the girls in primary schools running after boys who pull their hair.

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Trip to Goa

Finally it did happen.
After years of ‘almost there’s and spontaneous ‘lets-go’s .. we finally did take a trip to Goa.
Goa was a dream destination for the people in my close group of friends, ever since the days of DCH. The fact that we could not take the trip, even after careful planning (earlier this year) or after in-the-moment cravings to go, made the dream even more distant.
The fact was, in part of our hearts, we thought that Goa was actually jinxed and we would never be able to go to Goa with our group of friends.
Finally, on 22nd of this year, the dream actually materialized.
I reached Goa, alone , on 22nd afternoon at around 12:30 PM. The rest of the cast was supposed to join me at around 2 PM. Unfortunately their train was delayed by a couple of hours and I was stuck in the hotel, all by myself, for about 4 hours. I made good use of the time by getting rid of the bush that had grown around my face, otherwise known as beard. I also made sure that I don’t stink too much by bathing in the steaming hot water at the hotel. Even these two activities put together, could not cover the 4 hour period. So, I did the unthinkable. I watched Goal on TV for 2 hours.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Rocky, Maddy and Pops arrived. We left for our first destination at around 6 PM.
1. Kolva Beach.
Maddy, Me and Rocky in Goa
Like most beaches in Goa at this time of the year, it was overly crowded by groups of holidaying youngsters and foreigners in equal numbers. We did little here apart from drenching ourselves in water and then hogging some nice food at the beach side restaurant. Since we could not arrange for bikes, we were dependent on public transport for conveyance. And in Goa, public transport is equivalent of robbery in bright day light. Auto wallahs charge double to triple the actual amount depending on the random number generator in their head.
Tip : Always rent a car or bikes in Goa. The public transport system is next to pathetic. Not just because of the auto-wallahs asking for your ancestral property, but also because they are always so united. They will never take you, if you have refused some other auto-wallah because he was asking for too much money.
We got back to our hotel by around 10:30 PM and wasted our time playing cards till some 1 or 2 in the night.
Day 2.
Since I don’t remember the beaches names, apart from Kolva, Anjuna and Baga .. I will just call them The_Boring beach, Beach_where_I_Parasailed and beach_where_I_went_on_water_scooter.
2. Aguda Fort
Maddy , Me and Pops
This was our first stop on day 2. It was far away from Madgaon (where our hotel was). And since most of the Panjim was to be covered on day 2, we decided to cover this place too while we were at it. It is not so much of a tourist attraction because of the huge walls and the scenic view. I think this place’s biggest claim to fame was that it was the same fort where the famous “Hum dost the, dost hain aur dost rahenge” scene was shot. Most the people there were making a bee-line for the exact spot where the trio in DCH were seated. Rest of the fort was mostly ignored by Indians. Foreigners were not too many in number at this place, which is understandable.
3. The_Boring_Beach
Maddy, Me and Rocky .. in Uniforms :)
This place was too crowded. Pretty close to the rocks, it did not offer any possibility for the on-the-beach restaurants. The beach width was hardly some 70-80 meters which most people used for playing either football or volleyball. We did not spend too much of our time here. We did take a dip here too (actually now that I think, I don’t think there was a beach where me and Rocky didn’t take a dip 🙂 ).
4. Beach_where_I_Parasailed
Crowd at the beach
“A boy died on the beach some 20 minutes back due to some accident”
Not the most comforting words you want to hear when you are about 2 minutes away from para sailing for the first time in your life. Rocky and Me decided we should give it a try anyway.
Rocky went first and said it was great, but I still had my doubts. But once when you are going up, its a simply amazing feeling. The different thing about this particular instance of para-sailing was that it started in the middle of the ocean, unlike the traditional para-sailing where you start and end at the beach. Here you start and end on a moving boat in the middle of the ocean. It was all fun, when I was going up, while coming down I could feel my heart in my throat. With every pull of the rope in the downward direction, it made a sound which reverberated in the ropes that were attached between me and the parachute. In effect it sounded like the ropes that were attached to the parachute were snapping, one at a time. You just have to trust your better sense and the unknown boat owner to make sure that he will rescue you if you do fall off :).
Unfortunately, there were a couple more accidents on the beach that day. A total of 3 people died on the beach that day. A couple of them died because they ventured too far inside the ocean when they were drunk. The Ocean threw back the dead body of one of the boys. He must not have been more than 23-24 years old. What a waste of a life, just because of excess consumption of something that is not good for your health. How stupid is that.
5. Baga Beach
)
This beach is famous more for its surrounding night clubs and shady pubs that for its scenic beauty. We wanted an entry into Tito’s, which is a pretty famous pub close to the beach. But we settled for a dinner on the beach instead, when told that Stag entry was not allowed there. It turned out that Tito’s is not just a simple pub/disc. Lot more happens there :).
The dinner at the beach was probably the best dinner I had in a really long time, not least because of the company of friends. The ocean was right in front of us, about 10 meters away. Occasionally a wave would come pretty close to us, but never close enough to spoil our dinner:).
Day 3
6. beach_where_I_went_on_water_scooter
)
This was the loveliest beach we came across in all of Goa. Sparsely crowded, mostly with foreigners, nice places to eat and nice clean water to take a dip in. We settled on some benches at a restaurant there, and went for a dip there too. this beach was a little different than others. The water was at knee height for some time and then it came down to your ankle level after that and then again went to the knee height. We could venture far more inside the ocean this time than at other beaches. Since it was not crowded at all , we decided that we would spend a significant portion of the day there. We ordered nice food, some beers and sat down to enjoy the scintillating combination of the lovely sun, the burning sand and the brimming ocean. We just sat, sipped beers and talked. To take a break in between, we also went for a dip now and then, but mostly stayed under the shadows of the umbrellas.
Here Me and Rocky again went on a water scooter. From a distance, this seemed safer than the parachute thingy, but that was only a distant view. The life jacket that was tied to me, seemed like it was waiting for someone to perform its last rites. The person who was to operate the scooter, sat behind me and Rocky, two of the fattest asses possible. I presume there must have been little space left for him to sit. Still his driving skills could be compared to that of Bangalore Auto-Wallahs. Swerving right and left, splashing water, skidding at places .. I am sure he worked as a Auto-Rickshaw driver at some time in his life.
We left this place and headed for our next destination at around 5 PM
7. Anjuna Beach
This is not so much of a beach. Its more like a rocky place next to the ocean. We didn’t go towards the beach but stayed up on the rocks to sit and eat. We had actually traveled so far to get to this beach, that it seemed stupid to just come and see and return.
Day 4
8. Kolva beach
The world is round, so they say.
We ended at the same place where we started from on day 1.
My train was at 4 PM from Madgaon, and the rest of the folks were to catch their bus from Panjim at 5 PM .. and the checkout time at our hotel was 10 AM (weird rule .. isn’t it )
We decided to waste our time at Kolva beach again. We had a short breakfast followed by an early lunch followed by some cups of coffee here. All this was followed by the traditional good-bye game of cards at the beach.

The stay in Goa lasted about 3 full days (including the half days at the beginning and at the end). It was a fun filled trip, mostly because of finally being able to get to Goa after years of planning.
We made a pact that we would return to Goa in the next couple of years, preferably during off season, if not as bachelors then at least with our better halves. Lets hope it works out.
Rest of the pics can be seen here
Am waiting for Rocky and Maddy’s accounts of the trip .. lets hope the lazy bums do it soon before the feeling fades away, though I am sure that this was one trip whose memories will take a long time to fade away.

All 4

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